I’m sorry I forgot how your house smells or the number of steps on your porch. and im sorry i said awful things about you. You see the last thing you ever said to me “I just want my best friend back” and I will never be allowed to forget that. I will never be allowed to forget anything. Like the way you looked at me driving home from brooklyn or the songs on the radio you sing. Hell i havent listened to the radio since because there’s a song you’d always sing. The world went grey when I got the phone call and my whole life fell apart in a mcdonalds storage room while my hand was stuck in the wall. I wasn’t allowed to feel upset I wasn’t allowed to miss you because you weren’t allowed to go. and you said “I just want my best friend back” and i looked back on the night you left me. It was my fault I even came here. You begged me to go back home because I would ruin everything if i stayed. I wrote a poem once about falling in love with your best friend and I take everything back. Just keep your best friend, just love them but do not fall in love because love is criminal who will steal the light in your life and make you forget what it is that you even woke up for. And you said “ I just want my best friend back” as i thought about it in a waiting room. Scared to death and at your lowest point in life you still sang those songs on the radio. All you ever did was see the good in people and wanted them to love the world as you did. You lived everyday as an adventure and I saw everyday as a reason to stay home. I should’ve went with you to the bamboo forest i should ‘ve done a lot of things. but im stuck here on this island being reminded every day that i was only here for you. EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF YOU and i cant shake the fact I never said goodbye. I can’t shake the fact I never said goodbye I cant shake the fact that you’re not coming back. But I am going places now and I will take you with me. I will stare into the west coast sunset asking you how beautiful it is. I will climb the tallest tree just to high five you when i get to the top. I will adventure forever because thats what we should’ve done as best friends.and you said “I just want my best friend back” and the best I can do is smile when the rocks of mountains move and the lakes shine at night and the cities fill with beautiful people and i can smile when i see you in everything that is good. I can go home.